Summers Advent Calendar 2014 - Day 8

A Vistaprint promo code.

That way Joe could print menus that reflected the beer and food he was actually serving.

Summers Advent Calendar 2014 - Day 7

One free lesson on how to use Google calendar.

That way customers might now when the Red Room/ Peach Room/ Second Base bar might actually be open.

Summers Advent Calendar 2014 - Day 6

Comcast gift card.

As long as there is one HD television in Summers, it should have HD television service, right?

Summers Advent Calendar 2014 - Day 5

An HD television.

According to the advertisements, that's one HD television down, and only 59 to go.

Summers Advent Calendar 2014 - Day 4

A calculator.

A calculator might help Joe figure out how many HD tvs are actually in Summers.

Summers Advent Calendar 2014 - Day 3

A kegerator.

Every customer's beer is always so flat and warm when it is served that a portable keg with its own refrigeration should help, right?

Summers Advent Calendar 2014 - Day 2

Bratwurst.

It is listed on all the laminated specials menus you completely wasted money on printing, so you might want to have some more in the larder in case you do not have enough blue electrical tape to "update" all the menus.

Summers Advent Calendar 2014 - Day 1

A keg of Yeungling.

Seriously, how many times can one bar run out of Yeungling in a given week? Its the most popular beer in the bar and its brewed just down the street in Pottsville, Pennsylvania. After the Advent keg runs out just drive up there or order more.

Rocktoberfest - Day 20

They call it Summers Monday

But Tuesday's just as bad.

They call it Summers Monday

But Tuesday's just as bad.

Lord, and Wednesday's worse

And Thursday's all so bad.

The karaoke's crap on Friday,

Saturday I try to avoid this dive.

No one's here on Friday,

Saturday this place ain't alive.

Sunday I just stay home,

Gonna kneel down and pray.

Joe have mercy,

Joe have mercy on me.

Joe have mercy,

Joe have mercy on me.

Though I'm tryin' to find a reason to come here,

Pretty much everything is shit but the beer.

Rocktoberfest - Day 13

Everybody's got a secret, Sonny,
Something that they just can't face,
Some folks spend their whole lives drinking to forget it.
They carry it with them every shot that they take.
Till some happy hour they just cut it loose
Cut it loose or let it drag 'em down,
In the Red Room no one asks any questions,
or looks too long in your face,
In the darkness on the edge of Summers.
In the darkness on the edge of Summers.

Some customers are born to be kind,
Other customers are just damn rude, anyhow,
I lost track of my tab and I lost my mind,
Them things don't seem to matter much to me now.
Tonight I'll be on that stool  'cause I just can't stop,
I'll drink on that stool with everything I got,
Lives on the line where dreams are doomed and lost,
I'll be there on time and I'll pay the cost,
For wanting things when servers can't be found
In the darkness on the edge of Summers.
In the darkness on the edge of Summers.

Rocktoberfest - Day 8

All of my friend come to Summers last night
I was laying in my seat and dying
Annie Barista from Saint Angel
Say "the bartender here totes slow"

Just then the wind came squalling through the door
(even though the sign says use the front door)
But who can the bartenders command
Patrons want to have a little peace to die
And a friend or two to love at hand

Bar tab  roll up to a hundred and five
Roll on up, gonna roll back down
(if you know who is working)
One more day I find myself alive
Tomorrow maybe go to Joe's dungeon
See here how everything
Lead up to this disappointment
And it's just like any day at Summers
That's ever been

Summers going up and then
Summers going down
No shine through my window
And my friends they don't come around
Don't come around, don't come around

Joe might know, but Joe don't care
That a man can want good service
Take a look at poor Joe, he's lying in pain

Rocktobertfest - Day 6

Five o'clock already
I was just in the middle of a beer
I was kissin' Lead Soprano
Who said Joe wasn't even here
But I kinda got bored
'Cause then I guess I just won't get drunk
These are the days
When you wish your beer was already poured

It's just another Summers Monday
I wish it were Sunday
'Cause that's my fun day
My I don't have to run day
It's just another Summers Monday

Have to catch an early train
Got to be at Summers by five
And if I had an aeroplane
The bartender might still be alive
'Cause it takes me so long just to figure out what I'm gonna drink
Blame it on the metro
But I don't even want to think

It's just another Summers Monday
Wish it were Sunday
'Cause that's my fun day
My I don't have to run day
It's just another Summers Monday

All of the nights
Why did my server have to pick last night
To get fired?
(Last night, last night)
Doesn't it matter
That I have to drink for both of us
Who will Joe hire?
He tells me in his basement voice
"C'mon honey, let's fuck shit up
Is that beer in your cup?"

It's just another Summers Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my fun day
It's just a Summers Monday

Rocktoberfest - Day 2

Cold beer glasses, and pickleback pain,
Listen to the whistle of the metro train.
You know you bound to wind up po',
If you don't give back to Tennessee Joe.

Non-happy hour prices hurt my head,
But even during happy hour this place is dead.
Well, do you know it's like I said,
You better give back  to Tennessee Joe.

Drink all day and karaoke all night
(except on Thursday or Saturday),
Laurie come to get you if you don't walk right
Got a text this morning, "pay your tab" all it read,
You better give back to Tennessee Joe.

I fell three stairs and cracked my spine,
Sonny, come quick with the iodine,
Catch a few winks, baby, on the patio
Then you better not sue Tennessee Joe.

I almost run into Umbetro,
Blacked my eye and he kicked my cat,
My kitty turned to me and she meow,
We better pay back Tennessee Joe.

I woke up a feelin' mean,
Hung over and looking green,
The wheels turned around, and the vomits flow
You better pay back Tennessee Joe.

Rocktoberfest - Day 1

In the peach room with no curtains near the metro.

Black-roof country, no bartenders, tired patrons.
Lo-def tvs run-down fluorescents burn your dark eyes.
Donna smiles on you leaving, her contentment.

I'll wait in this place where the sun never shines;
Wait in this place where the servers run from the customers.

At the bar she was unkindness in the hard crowd.
Consolation for the bad tip now remembered.
Calm down tiger too much peach burns your dark eyes.
She's just texting, goodbye happy hour, tired patrons.

I'll sleep in this place with the lonely crowd;
Lie in the dark where the servers run from the customers.

Summers World Cup 2014 Rant #2

I don't want to get off on a rant here, but....

does Joe even know what a building permit is? Your place burns down and you have to rebuild and you don't for one second think you might have to file a permit or go through an inspection? 

I don't want to get off on a sub-rant here, but Summers New Door told me Joe should have known better . 

Summers World Cup 2014 Rant #1

I don't want to get off on a rant here, so I'll start slow.

The Red Room should be open for the World Cup.

It's Our Summers

It's our Summers we can do what we want

It's our Summers we can say what we want

It's our Summers we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can sing what we want

Red Bull and sweaty glasses everywhere
Hands in the air like Sammi don't care
'Cause we came to have drinks for cheap
Bet somebody here totes falls asleep

If you're not ready to go home     

Can I get a "Hell, no!"? (Hell yes)
'Cause we're gonna go all night
'Til we see the picklebacks, alright

So la da di da di
We like to party
Dancing with Laurie
Doing whatever we want
This is our Summers
This is our rules

But Joe can't stop
But Joe won't stop
Can't Joe see it's we who own the night?
Can't Joe see it's we who 'bout that life?

And we can't stop
And we won't stop
We run things, things don't run we
Don't take nothing from nobody
Yeah, yeah

It's our Summers we can do what we want
It's our Summers we can say what we want
It's our Summers we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can sing what we want

To my home boy here with the big beard
Shaking it like we in the Red room
Remember only God can judge ya
Forget the haters 'cause somebody loves ya
And everyone in line in the bathroom
Trying to get  the one stall that works
We all so turned up here
Getting worked up by all the jerks

So la da di da di
We like to party
Dancing with Laurie
Doing whatever we want
This is our Summers
This is our rules

But Joe can't stop
But Joe won't stop
Can't you see it's we who own the night?
Can't you see it's we who 'bout that life?

And we can't stop
And we won't stop
We run things, things don't run we
Don't take nothing from nobody

Legion of Gloom

The only thing worse than Peyton Manning's performance on Sunday was Javelin Joe's. I don't want to start 2014 with a rant, but Coors Light isn't really a beer special because it really isn't a beer. And who the hell wanted a Chicago-style hot dog with a dashof celery salt? The Chicago Bears weren't in the Super Bowl and the Super Bowl wasn't played in Chicago (not that it was played in New York by the Broncos either). You would have been much better off trying to serve some New York themed dishes like a knish or some baked pretzels. And what's up with the 1992 clip art image? The Detroit Lions haven't been in the Super Bowl since... man, I'm terrible at math... carry the one... since never.

Joe really needs to focus less on shitty grammatically-incorrect poster (there was only one in the entire bar) and more on improving the service. Okay, so the service might not get better that quickly so let's focus on branding. Buy Summers-themed electrical tape to hang the posters and proof-read them before you hang them up or you'll turn that 16 oz. can of PBR into a 16 oz. can't.

Joe's 2014 New Year's Resolutions

1. Open the Red Room by January 1

2. Open the Red Room by the end of Kwanza

3. Open the Red Room by Epiphany

4. Open the Red Room by Martin Luther King Day

5. Open the Red Room by Groundhog Day

6. Open the Red Room in time for Valentine's Day

7. Open the Red Room by President's Day

8. Open the Red Room by St. Patrick's Day

9. Open the Red Room on April Fool's Day

10. Close the Red Room on the day after April Fool's Day

11. Open the Red Room by Mothers' Day

12. Open the Red Room by Memorial Day

13. Open the Red Room by the World Cup

Damn. Joe isn't doing too well on his New Year's Resolutions, but who keeps any of their resolutions? In my defense, I don't own a bar and I'm not in the business of trying to satisfy customers, especially ones that might have become attached to a brand like the Red Room that you spent time & money trying to build.