Hanging Chad

I know this blog doesn't have friends, let alone loyal friends, yeah I'm looking at you in the mirror and yeah I'm looking at you Oregon alums, you who finally got into the BCS and forgot who your real friend was, but that doesn't matter right now because I'm not talking about you, I'm just saying that if we did have one loyal friend it would be our fellow ex-pat Canadian Chad "Hell of a Hat" Meadows. Happy Birthday you Saskatchewan-is-what-you-get-ewan wannabe, but this post isn't about you, you're so vain.

The hanging chad referenced in the title is the hanging chad on the ballot that Mean Joe Green used to tally the success of Salsa Night. I've said it before on these hallowed pages, I'm here to watch sports and chat with friends (cheapest beer in arlington helps) and couldn't give a rat's ass about your salsa night.

And then I have to pay a $5 cover charge to even get into the Red Room? Are you fucking kidding me? The Red Room is the most smoke-filled den of inequity in Arlington and I have to pay you to fill my lungs with smoke and moldy tile particles?

And then you have the cajones ($4 cajones 4PM-7PM on salsa night) to tell me that I should show up on salsa night because it was so successful? Are you fucking kidding me, again? Just because you have more than three people in the Red Room on any given weekenight doesn't mean it is successful. Sure, you may have more people in the Red Room than usual, but they're not buying beer and you're pissing off everyone else in the joint, including the bartenders who don't get tips on water. Just fyi.

Come on Joe, don't bullshit a bullshitter.

Don't tell me what you think I want to hear, because I certainly don't want to hear salacious secrets about salsa night. Know your audience, know your customers, and really, at this point, you should really know better.

Report from the Blue Line

We didn't play today and I had a day off from work. Since Coach said we didn't have to show up at Kettler until Monday, I spent my day chilling. I thought I would interview my fans and head out on the streets and see if I could find any bandwagon Caps fans and get their thoughts. I was headed up the hill to Boston Market when I ran into a young Caps fan wearing a Mike Green jersey. I thought to myself here's a real hockey fan, so I thought I would do an interview to get an idea of what people really thought about the Caps. I forgot my digital recorder so the conversation below is a rough transcription.

Me: Rock the Red.

Fan: Whuh?

Me: I see you're wearing a Mike Green jersey. Are you a fan?

Fan: Of Mike Green? No. I'm wearing this because I lost a bet.

Me: What was the bet?

Fan: I bet my friend Mike Green was the worst defenseman in the league.

Me: What kind of a bet is that?

Fan: Well, she's a Sabres fan and she likes pretty boys. She wanted Mike Green to play for Buffalo this season and I said no, as much as I hate the Sabres, you don't want Mike Green on your team, he's the worst defeseman in the league.

Me: Who in the right mind is a Sabres fan?

Fan: I know, right? Anyway she was all like Mike Green is awesome and I was all like no he is not and she was all like I bet you he's better than Tyler Myers and I was like he is so not, but turns out he is and so I have to wear this stupid jersey.

Me: The jersey is not stupid. You're stupid.

Fan: Whuh? What's your problem?

Me: Do you know who I am?

Fan: Mike Green's boyfriend?

Me: No. I'm Mike Green you idiot.

Fan: Well this is akward.

Me: What's your name asshole?

Fan: My name is Andrew.

Me: Well, what do you know about hockey Andrew?

Andrew: Well, I know you can't play it.

Me: Can you play?

Andrew: No.

Me: Well then, what's with the attitude?

Andrew: It is Summers Restaurant and Sports Grill.

Me: What about it? Its just up the hill from me but I've only heard bad things about it.

Andrew: It is not that bad.

Me: I hear they don't have salsa dancing.

Andrew: Do you know why don't they have Salsa dancing at Summers?

Me: What do you need Salsa dancing for?

Andrew: Salsa-dancing is now the number one preoccupation of Summers patrons. Do you know why Summers patrons like salsa dancing? Because the trivia nights sucked and becuase the karaoke sucked and because Joe can't keep the Red Room staffed on a regular schedule.

Me: You know, it must be impossible for someone to get service in the Red Room and not go Salsa dancing. I wanted service, not salsa dancing.

Andrew: Do you know the difference between service and salsa? You have the salsa after the service. Of course Mean Joe Green stopped offering salsa and apparently he stopped offering service becuase it takes an eternity to get service in the Red Room.

Me: Why do you even go there then?

Andrew: I don't know.

And that was my day. Arlington is kind of lame and I think I should get a place in Great Falls.