Cuidado!

Cuidado indeed. What we need is some fucking bartendertronics in the red room. I mean Joe has to do something to improve customer service and equipping the staff with cartronics might be a good start. Caution: bartender will STOP suddenly if taken out of the red room. That way I can get a beer without having to wait eleven minutes and without having to figure out what to say to the two canadian ex-pats at the end of the bar who do nothing but talk about star wars and javascript.

Quandian Quatrains

Tuesday night at Summers is no longer for salsa dancing
Still, that does not stop the Canadians from prancing
And swarming the dance floor like they own the joint
I could ask them to stop but what would be the point?

Later that evening I asked one of them the rules of hockey
They said surely you ask me this just to mock me
The rules are as plain as the nose on your face
If you don't know the rules of hockey, leave this place.

I don't know the rules of some stupid game so you ask me to leave
And in so departing your damnable presence I will not grieve
I had previously thought that all Canadiana were cool
But this one in the funny looking hat is a fool.

So I asked the other one if he knew anything about puppets
He said I've met Gonzo, I think he's one of the muppets
I've also met Oscar the Grouch, he lives on Sesame Street.
Then he asked me, do these sliders contain actual meat?

To which I said, I have no clue how the food is prepared
To ponder that simple question I have never even dared
I think I saw Sonny mixing up ingredients in his bucket
After throwing up in my mouth a little, I said gross.

Slummers Inferno - Sixth Circle

In the sixth circle of Slummers hell, Heretics such as those that say that Summers should have salsa dancing and those that say that Summers should have a world music night, and those that say you don't actually need to serve Molson Canadian on Moloson Canadian Night (Fucking Blasphemers! You shall rot in the darkest dankest deepest depths of Joe's dungeon of Dis. Sorry, I got carried away for a second there. But seriously folks, how can you not serve Molson Canadian on Molson Canadian Night when its on special?), and those that say Summers should be a sports bar and play sports and not CNN, well those people are trapped in flaming tombs.

Keep Fear Alive!

Don't come in here. This is the Red Room. It is full of smoke. There are people using dirty words. There are dirty people. Some people are drinking beer. Mya often works back here. There are a lot of Canadians inside. This is where they try to sing karaoke. The carpet is sticky and I don't know why. The bathroom doesn't lock. You'll have to wait forever for a beer. You won't get to watch your hockey game. It is half red and half green and looks like Santa vomited on the wall.

I'm Summers New Door. Do your part to Keep Fear Alive.

Joe Love & Special Sauce

In the words of my favorite G Love & Special Sauce tune, I'm sitting here and I can't believe all the measures you've taken to cheat, lie and deceive me and all of your friends. Don't Pull the Wool over my eyes Joe.

To wit, I was checking out the Summers Restaurant Web site today and read something about Summers offering an innovative and compelling concept for the casual diner.

I will give you compelling. I feel compelled to go there because I'm addicted. Yes, its a drug.

But innovative?

I graduated with a degree in history not english so I'm not sure what innovative means. I thought it meant new. There's nothing really new or innovative about Summers unless you count the red room, and it doesn't really add much to the ambiance. There's nothing unusual about the high-definition televisions unless you consider they can't play the game you want to watch. There's really nothing innovative on the menu unless you count Molson Canadian, and I don't because Canadians can't count. They use the metric system which is total bullshit.

Whoever is updating the Summers Web site needs a thesaurus.