Slummers Advent Calendar - Days 1-20

Day 1 - I don't care what's behind Door 1 because I need a fucking personal assistant to remind me to post to this blog more than once every six weeks.

Day 2 - A marketing campaign. That's no use, Joe already knows everything there is to know about marketing Summers.

Day 3 - A decent bartender. Summers has some good bartenders already, but the place is open seven days a week and there are sometimes customers there everyday.

Day 4 - Blue electrical tape. Joe can never have enough.

Day 5 - A Big Daddy. Although its kinda gross because it was packaged up in this advent calendar when Joe started the promotion a couple of weeks ago.

Day 6 - Whiteboard menus. Joe changes the menus often enough that it would just be easier if he could wipe them all clean rather than reprinting them (with errors).

Day 7 - #summersrestaurantandsportsbar hashtag. Its a long fucking hashtag, but Joe has jumped in with both feet to the social media pool and Summers is BLOWING UP on Twitter. Watch out Ashton and Lady Gaga, Joe's tweets are off the hook.

Day 8 - A pint of Yuengling. You can never go wrong with a cold beer. Great gift.

Day 9 - A good Yelp review. I don't know who wrote it, but its very very rare and worth a lot of money.

Day 10 - A universal remote. Excellent. Joe could always use another remote because he only has one for the 60 HD tvs in Summers (maybe that's why it takes so long to get my game on the hd television (which isn't really hd)).

Day 11 - Stainless steel bucket. Must be for Sonny.

Day 12 - A can of Resolve. Might be for Sonny, but someone sure as hell needs to clean the carpet again.

Day 13 - Moldy Tiles. Summers has enough of those already but the more the merrier.

Day 14 - A dead parrot. Hey Cap'n Sam, did you take what was in here and leave your dead parrot here?

Cap'n Sam: Its not dead, its resting. Look.

Me: Look my favorite karaoke DJ, I know a dead parrot when I see one.

Cap'n Sam: No, no, its resting.

Me: Okay, if its resting, I will wake it up. HELLO POLLY!

Cap'n Sam: There, it moved.

Me: No, that was you pushing the advent calendar.

Cap'n Sam: Its stunned.

Me: No, I've had enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased.

Day 15 - Crumpled-up customer surveys. Looks like Joe never read these.

Day 16 - Alex Ovechkin's mojo. No wonder he hasn't been scoring.

Day 17 - A Spa Finder gift certificate. Thanks, but who needs a gift certificate when you can get free unsolicited backrubs from Red Room patrons?

Day 18 - $100. So this is where Joe hid the money for the Salsa dancing contest.

Day 19 - A vuvuzela. Awesome! Wait, I almost forgot how annoying they are. I will have to regift this. By odd coincidence, I do need to get something for Slog1.

Day 20 - A candy cane.

Memorial Day

I want to give a heart-felt thanks to all those that have given their life defending this country.

This Memorial Day, I also want to remember those bloggers that have given their life over the last year defending this blog and the institution which it protects (and mocks).

Moldy Tiles. Not many posts, but all quality. Drowned in Sonny's bucket during March Madness.

Slog1. More posts and more variety. Started this blog. Started the haikus. Almost started Summers Sock Puppet theatre until being stun gunned down in a brutal act of rogue Facebook page repression. Staged a mini-posting comeback until being blinded by a sparkly fist and wandering into oncoming traffic on Wilson Boulevard.

Mike Green Bobblehead. Choked to death on his own playoff ineptitude.

In memory of these bloggers, and all of our veterans, I wish you a happy Memorial Day and please help me keep their memories alive.