Slummers Advent Calendar - Days 1-20

Day 1 - I don't care what's behind Door 1 because I need a fucking personal assistant to remind me to post to this blog more than once every six weeks.

Day 2 - A marketing campaign. That's no use, Joe already knows everything there is to know about marketing Summers.

Day 3 - A decent bartender. Summers has some good bartenders already, but the place is open seven days a week and there are sometimes customers there everyday.

Day 4 - Blue electrical tape. Joe can never have enough.

Day 5 - A Big Daddy. Although its kinda gross because it was packaged up in this advent calendar when Joe started the promotion a couple of weeks ago.

Day 6 - Whiteboard menus. Joe changes the menus often enough that it would just be easier if he could wipe them all clean rather than reprinting them (with errors).

Day 7 - #summersrestaurantandsportsbar hashtag. Its a long fucking hashtag, but Joe has jumped in with both feet to the social media pool and Summers is BLOWING UP on Twitter. Watch out Ashton and Lady Gaga, Joe's tweets are off the hook.

Day 8 - A pint of Yuengling. You can never go wrong with a cold beer. Great gift.

Day 9 - A good Yelp review. I don't know who wrote it, but its very very rare and worth a lot of money.

Day 10 - A universal remote. Excellent. Joe could always use another remote because he only has one for the 60 HD tvs in Summers (maybe that's why it takes so long to get my game on the hd television (which isn't really hd)).

Day 11 - Stainless steel bucket. Must be for Sonny.

Day 12 - A can of Resolve. Might be for Sonny, but someone sure as hell needs to clean the carpet again.

Day 13 - Moldy Tiles. Summers has enough of those already but the more the merrier.

Day 14 - A dead parrot. Hey Cap'n Sam, did you take what was in here and leave your dead parrot here?

Cap'n Sam: Its not dead, its resting. Look.

Me: Look my favorite karaoke DJ, I know a dead parrot when I see one.

Cap'n Sam: No, no, its resting.

Me: Okay, if its resting, I will wake it up. HELLO POLLY!

Cap'n Sam: There, it moved.

Me: No, that was you pushing the advent calendar.

Cap'n Sam: Its stunned.

Me: No, I've had enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased.

Day 15 - Crumpled-up customer surveys. Looks like Joe never read these.

Day 16 - Alex Ovechkin's mojo. No wonder he hasn't been scoring.

Day 17 - A Spa Finder gift certificate. Thanks, but who needs a gift certificate when you can get free unsolicited backrubs from Red Room patrons?

Day 18 - $100. So this is where Joe hid the money for the Salsa dancing contest.

Day 19 - A vuvuzela. Awesome! Wait, I almost forgot how annoying they are. I will have to regift this. By odd coincidence, I do need to get something for Slog1.

Day 20 - A candy cane.

Summers Marketing 102

All day it was non-stop meetings and non-stop people just popping in and I know I didn't do any work between the pop-ins, the meetings, the phone calls, the e-mails, the tweets and the instant messages and you know what I think I will just go to the break room and grab another cup of coffee even though its already 4:30 and in hindsight it was a mistake because between the normal inconsistencies of metro and now all the tourists and the humidity which apparently makes metro weak at the knees more than snow does I have been on this metro train for what seems like two hours but its really been closer to one hour judging by the smart phone I pulled out to play angry birds after I just wanted to check the time and considering the hour I will just drop by Summers to use the toilet and oh my god the last thing I want to think about is drinking more but I am also a cheap bastard so it is a pity that the first mention that I saw of cheap beer was all the way back here in the bathroom.

Summers Marketing 101

I think Harold Camping studied at the Summers School of Marketing. When I ran across this sign in the metro station the other day, the first thing that struck me was, rapture? What rapture? Its like $2.75 pint night at Summers. What $2.75 pint night? It would help if you didn't put your sign at the back of the Red Room, I mean at the end of the metro station platform. I also love the fact that there is a guarantee that the Bible guarantees it. The only person I know that actually guarantees anything is George Zuckerman from Mens Warehouse, and thank you George, I do like the way I look. I also love the irony of the fact that Judgement Day was supposed to be May 21 and its like May something after May 21 and the sign is still up. Its like that time that Joe put up all those signs that Yeungling pints are on special, but he doesn't actually have any Yeungling on tap.