59 Things Joe could do better in 2012.
1. Bring back sliders.
2. Bring back trivia night.
3. Get rid of Cap'n Sam.
4. Get rid of Sammii.
5. Get rid of the garbage salad.
6. Get rid of the red lights.
7. Read the customer surveys you distributed.
8. Take the advice those surveys gave you.
9. Get rid of the annoying chick.
10. Play better music.
11. Buy another remote.
12. Bring back free chips and salsa.
13. Extend Happy Hour until 8:15.
14. Have a Foursquare special.
15. Read your Yelp reviews.
16. Read them again.
17. Take that advice.
18. Paint the entire Red Room.
19. Redo the bathrooms.
20. Redo your website.
21. Examine your social footprint.
22. Go green.
23. Listen to your customers.
24. Destroy rogue Facebook pages.
25. Because you don't understand technology.
26. Or your customers.
27. Or what they're saying about your restaurant.
28. Develop a fully stocked bar.
29. Change the decor.
30. Change the management style.
31. Change the happy hour specials.
32. Develop a catch phrase.
33. Have a mascot.
34. Buy a new shirt.
35. Buy some new stools for the bar.
36. Replace the ceiling tiles.
37. Consider replacing the framed pictures.
38. Get a lock for that bathroom door.
39. Install a bell so we can ring for service.
40. Think about your mobile strategy.
41. Bring back the Golden Tee machine.
42. Bring back customers.
43. Institute a mug night.
44. Offer free pretzels.
45. Offer something.
46. Offer free drinks.
47. I meant don't.
48. That would be irresponsible.
49. But you can trust me.
50. But I don't because I lie a lot.
51. I swear.
52. Apropos of nothing, give Shawn a raise.
53. Allow people to watch the games they want.
54. Don't show CNN even thought its an election year.
55. Keep the same specials for a month.
56. Keep the same happy hour specials for two weeks.
57. Because you don't want to keep confusing your customers.
58. Or they will stop showing up to buy beer.
59. Like they're doing these days...
Showing posts with label yelp. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yelp. Show all posts
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
The Second Day of Christmas
On the second day of Christmas, Joe gave to me two different fish specials and a bartender in a pear tree.
Two different fish specials in the same week? Joe should go back to reading the Yelp reviews so that he knows the fish specials aren't so special in the first place. We also all know that he has trouble pulling customers in through the front door, so his brilliant strategy is to give them more of the same? There are better food items and Joe should think about letting his customers know what else is available.
Garbage Salad and Russian Trashcan Tuesday would be a good start.
Two different fish specials in the same week? Joe should go back to reading the Yelp reviews so that he knows the fish specials aren't so special in the first place. We also all know that he has trouble pulling customers in through the front door, so his brilliant strategy is to give them more of the same? There are better food items and Joe should think about letting his customers know what else is available.
Garbage Salad and Russian Trashcan Tuesday would be a good start.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Slummers Advent Calendar - Days 1-20
Day 1 - I don't care what's behind Door 1 because I need a fucking personal assistant to remind me to post to this blog more than once every six weeks.
Day 2 - A marketing campaign. That's no use, Joe already knows everything there is to know about marketing Summers.
Day 3 - A decent bartender. Summers has some good bartenders already, but the place is open seven days a week and there are sometimes customers there everyday.
Day 4 - Blue electrical tape. Joe can never have enough.
Day 5 - A Big Daddy. Although its kinda gross because it was packaged up in this advent calendar when Joe started the promotion a couple of weeks ago.
Day 6 - Whiteboard menus. Joe changes the menus often enough that it would just be easier if he could wipe them all clean rather than reprinting them (with errors).
Day 7 - #summersrestaurantandsportsbar hashtag. Its a long fucking hashtag, but Joe has jumped in with both feet to the social media pool and Summers is BLOWING UP on Twitter. Watch out Ashton and Lady Gaga, Joe's tweets are off the hook.
Day 8 - A pint of Yuengling. You can never go wrong with a cold beer. Great gift.
Day 9 - A good Yelp review. I don't know who wrote it, but its very very rare and worth a lot of money.
Day 10 - A universal remote. Excellent. Joe could always use another remote because he only has one for the 60 HD tvs in Summers (maybe that's why it takes so long to get my game on the hd television (which isn't really hd)).
Day 11 - Stainless steel bucket. Must be for Sonny.
Day 12 - A can of Resolve. Might be for Sonny, but someone sure as hell needs to clean the carpet again.
Day 13 - Moldy Tiles. Summers has enough of those already but the more the merrier.
Day 14 - A dead parrot. Hey Cap'n Sam, did you take what was in here and leave your dead parrot here?
Cap'n Sam: Its not dead, its resting. Look.
Me: Look my favorite karaoke DJ, I know a dead parrot when I see one.
Cap'n Sam: No, no, its resting.
Me: Okay, if its resting, I will wake it up. HELLO POLLY!
Cap'n Sam: There, it moved.
Me: No, that was you pushing the advent calendar.
Cap'n Sam: Its stunned.
Me: No, I've had enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased.
Day 15 - Crumpled-up customer surveys. Looks like Joe never read these.
Day 16 - Alex Ovechkin's mojo. No wonder he hasn't been scoring.
Day 17 - A Spa Finder gift certificate. Thanks, but who needs a gift certificate when you can get free unsolicited backrubs from Red Room patrons?
Day 18 - $100. So this is where Joe hid the money for the Salsa dancing contest.
Day 19 - A vuvuzela. Awesome! Wait, I almost forgot how annoying they are. I will have to regift this. By odd coincidence, I do need to get something for Slog1.
Day 20 - A candy cane.
Day 2 - A marketing campaign. That's no use, Joe already knows everything there is to know about marketing Summers.
Day 3 - A decent bartender. Summers has some good bartenders already, but the place is open seven days a week and there are sometimes customers there everyday.
Day 4 - Blue electrical tape. Joe can never have enough.
Day 5 - A Big Daddy. Although its kinda gross because it was packaged up in this advent calendar when Joe started the promotion a couple of weeks ago.
Day 6 - Whiteboard menus. Joe changes the menus often enough that it would just be easier if he could wipe them all clean rather than reprinting them (with errors).
Day 7 - #summersrestaurantandsportsbar hashtag. Its a long fucking hashtag, but Joe has jumped in with both feet to the social media pool and Summers is BLOWING UP on Twitter. Watch out Ashton and Lady Gaga, Joe's tweets are off the hook.
Day 8 - A pint of Yuengling. You can never go wrong with a cold beer. Great gift.
Day 9 - A good Yelp review. I don't know who wrote it, but its very very rare and worth a lot of money.
Day 10 - A universal remote. Excellent. Joe could always use another remote because he only has one for the 60 HD tvs in Summers (maybe that's why it takes so long to get my game on the hd television (which isn't really hd)).
Day 11 - Stainless steel bucket. Must be for Sonny.
Day 12 - A can of Resolve. Might be for Sonny, but someone sure as hell needs to clean the carpet again.
Day 13 - Moldy Tiles. Summers has enough of those already but the more the merrier.
Day 14 - A dead parrot. Hey Cap'n Sam, did you take what was in here and leave your dead parrot here?
Cap'n Sam: Its not dead, its resting. Look.
Me: Look my favorite karaoke DJ, I know a dead parrot when I see one.
Cap'n Sam: No, no, its resting.
Me: Okay, if its resting, I will wake it up. HELLO POLLY!
Cap'n Sam: There, it moved.
Me: No, that was you pushing the advent calendar.
Cap'n Sam: Its stunned.
Me: No, I've had enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased.
Day 15 - Crumpled-up customer surveys. Looks like Joe never read these.
Day 16 - Alex Ovechkin's mojo. No wonder he hasn't been scoring.
Day 17 - A Spa Finder gift certificate. Thanks, but who needs a gift certificate when you can get free unsolicited backrubs from Red Room patrons?
Day 18 - $100. So this is where Joe hid the money for the Salsa dancing contest.
Day 19 - A vuvuzela. Awesome! Wait, I almost forgot how annoying they are. I will have to regift this. By odd coincidence, I do need to get something for Slog1.
Day 20 - A candy cane.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Yelp me if you've heard this one before
If Joe was worried about the Yelp reviews before, he should be shitting his pants now. He's completely butchered the biggest event to hit summers since $3.00 pint night.
I am sitting here in my door frame watching some chick collecting the cover charge from the three people on the planet that did not know that the US was playing Panama tonight and want to salsa dance instead of watching sports. One of those people was Joe who was stupid enough to pay the cover charge in his own bar.
Before you hate the hater, this is the same guy that closed half bar and turned away paying customers so two people could dance.
I'm just saying.
I am sitting here in my door frame watching some chick collecting the cover charge from the three people on the planet that did not know that the US was playing Panama tonight and want to salsa dance instead of watching sports. One of those people was Joe who was stupid enough to pay the cover charge in his own bar.
Before you hate the hater, this is the same guy that closed half bar and turned away paying customers so two people could dance.
I'm just saying.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Free Your Mind
Why oh why must it be this way?
Before you can read me Joe, you gotta learn how to see me
Free your mind, and the customers will follow.
Wise words. And Joe should be wise to the fact rogue is in vogue.
Seriously Joe, before you can read your customers you have to learn how to see your customers. Just because you see some salsa dancing flyers posted at El Pollo Rico or Costa Verde when you're there for dinner because you can't stomach the zesty wings or you need a break from interveiwing the latest job applicant in your dungeon doesn't mean that salsa dancing works for Summers. Know your customers and know your audience.
Besides, quantity does not equal quality and just because you see a few signs doesn't mean its cool, let alone good for business. I see a lot of signs in Arlington for Capital One Bank but those television commercials with the Great 8 and the Furious 5 are so awful that the more that I see them the less that I want to give my money to Capital One Bank. In an odd coincidence, the more salsa dancing posters I see at Summers, the less I want to give them my money.
At some level, I appreciate the effort. I do like going to Summers and I applaud every effort to make it better, but you actually have to try and make it better. You can't just throw shit against the wall and see if it sticks.
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but one of the benefits of social media is the ability to listen to customers. The whole point is to listen, not to tell. So again I say that before you read me, you gotta learn how to see me.
If you think every blog post, tweet, Facebook status update, yelp review, or e-mail is rogue, you're missing the point.
Before you can read me Joe, you gotta learn how to see me
Free your mind, and the customers will follow.
Wise words. And Joe should be wise to the fact rogue is in vogue.
Seriously Joe, before you can read your customers you have to learn how to see your customers. Just because you see some salsa dancing flyers posted at El Pollo Rico or Costa Verde when you're there for dinner because you can't stomach the zesty wings or you need a break from interveiwing the latest job applicant in your dungeon doesn't mean that salsa dancing works for Summers. Know your customers and know your audience.
Besides, quantity does not equal quality and just because you see a few signs doesn't mean its cool, let alone good for business. I see a lot of signs in Arlington for Capital One Bank but those television commercials with the Great 8 and the Furious 5 are so awful that the more that I see them the less that I want to give my money to Capital One Bank. In an odd coincidence, the more salsa dancing posters I see at Summers, the less I want to give them my money.
At some level, I appreciate the effort. I do like going to Summers and I applaud every effort to make it better, but you actually have to try and make it better. You can't just throw shit against the wall and see if it sticks.
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but one of the benefits of social media is the ability to listen to customers. The whole point is to listen, not to tell. So again I say that before you read me, you gotta learn how to see me.
If you think every blog post, tweet, Facebook status update, yelp review, or e-mail is rogue, you're missing the point.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)