Report from the Blue Line

We didn't play today and I had a day off from work. Since Coach said we didn't have to show up at Kettler until Monday, I spent my day chilling. I thought I would interview my fans and head out on the streets and see if I could find any bandwagon Caps fans and get their thoughts. I was headed up the hill to Boston Market when I ran into a young Caps fan wearing a Mike Green jersey. I thought to myself here's a real hockey fan, so I thought I would do an interview to get an idea of what people really thought about the Caps. I forgot my digital recorder so the conversation below is a rough transcription.

Me: Rock the Red.

Fan: Whuh?

Me: I see you're wearing a Mike Green jersey. Are you a fan?

Fan: Of Mike Green? No. I'm wearing this because I lost a bet.

Me: What was the bet?

Fan: I bet my friend Mike Green was the worst defenseman in the league.

Me: What kind of a bet is that?

Fan: Well, she's a Sabres fan and she likes pretty boys. She wanted Mike Green to play for Buffalo this season and I said no, as much as I hate the Sabres, you don't want Mike Green on your team, he's the worst defeseman in the league.

Me: Who in the right mind is a Sabres fan?

Fan: I know, right? Anyway she was all like Mike Green is awesome and I was all like no he is not and she was all like I bet you he's better than Tyler Myers and I was like he is so not, but turns out he is and so I have to wear this stupid jersey.

Me: The jersey is not stupid. You're stupid.

Fan: Whuh? What's your problem?

Me: Do you know who I am?

Fan: Mike Green's boyfriend?

Me: No. I'm Mike Green you idiot.

Fan: Well this is akward.

Me: What's your name asshole?

Fan: My name is Andrew.

Me: Well, what do you know about hockey Andrew?

Andrew: Well, I know you can't play it.

Me: Can you play?

Andrew: No.

Me: Well then, what's with the attitude?

Andrew: It is Summers Restaurant and Sports Grill.

Me: What about it? Its just up the hill from me but I've only heard bad things about it.

Andrew: It is not that bad.

Me: I hear they don't have salsa dancing.

Andrew: Do you know why don't they have Salsa dancing at Summers?

Me: What do you need Salsa dancing for?

Andrew: Salsa-dancing is now the number one preoccupation of Summers patrons. Do you know why Summers patrons like salsa dancing? Because the trivia nights sucked and becuase the karaoke sucked and because Joe can't keep the Red Room staffed on a regular schedule.

Me: You know, it must be impossible for someone to get service in the Red Room and not go Salsa dancing. I wanted service, not salsa dancing.

Andrew: Do you know the difference between service and salsa? You have the salsa after the service. Of course Mean Joe Green stopped offering salsa and apparently he stopped offering service becuase it takes an eternity to get service in the Red Room.

Me: Why do you even go there then?

Andrew: I don't know.

And that was my day. Arlington is kind of lame and I think I should get a place in Great Falls.

Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts

As a result, I'm cheering for the Trojans tonight and seeing Red rather than going Green in the Red Room.

MSG = Mono Sodium Good God Learn How to Pronounce Players' Names

Is it just me or do the commentators on MSG not know anything about the Queen's English or about hockey in general? Seriously, I sounded better in my Geico commercial than these goombas do. Quebec is no part of my Canada, but it is still pronounced Canadiens, not Canadians. Perhaps you should worry less about Amare Stoudamaire coming to New York than Andre Kostichin and Tomas Plikanix because nobody cares about basketball.

Sabres Surprisingly Suck So Significantly Someone Snapped

Maybe I'm just pissed off because I can't play defense and we lost our game tonight because I can't figure out how to throw a body check, but I've only found one good thing to ever come out of Buffalo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiehzeAku1M

Semper Fi

Major shout out to anyone running the Marine Corps Marathon. Don't forget to stop by Summers for a beer after the race. Super shout out to anyone in the Marine Corps. I'm a door and protect tree huggers from the Red Room, but Marines help protect our country. Thank you.

Summers' Vacuum Rankings - Week of October 25

We're an equal opportunity offender, so the rankings are in no particular order.

1. Caps Fans - You win a game and they come out of the woodwork and clog up the sidewalks, and crowd the metro trains and don't stay to the right on the metro escalators.

2. Canadians - Enough with the fake accents. So what if the mouse ran in the house turned about and ran back out? Please just stop talking.

3. Trivia - Question 1: Who's not going to get the Grand Prize we offered? Answer: You. Anyone is also an acceptable answer.

4. Red Room Service - The Red Room is a misnomer, but if you're going to keep God's gift to the service industry open, you might want to staff it with someone, and someone other than God's regift to the service industry in the form of a shrink-wrapped Mya would be a good idea.

5. Red Room Carpet - I got new shoes last weekend. One of them is still stuck to the carpet in the Red Room. If you can lay down some new flooring, get some new carpet.

6. Oregon - *YAWN*. Oregon is boregon.

7. Mike Green - Less preening, more playing.

8. Agent 0 - I've never faked a hangover to get out of work, why are you faking an injury?

9. Daniel Snyder - You've done more to ruin fun in Washington than Joe has.

10. Sliders - Just because they're small doesn't mean they don't taste like ass.

Keep Fear Alive!

Don't come in here. This is the Red Room. It is full of smoke. There are people using dirty words. There are dirty people. Some people are drinking beer. Mya often works back here. There are a lot of Canadians inside. This is where they try to sing karaoke. The carpet is sticky and I don't know why. The bathroom doesn't lock. You'll have to wait forever for a beer. You won't get to watch your hockey game. It is half red and half green and looks like Santa vomited on the wall.

I'm Summers New Door. Do your part to Keep Fear Alive.

Hasta la Proxima

From one Washington icon to another, hasta la Proxima Jaime Moreno. Mi casa es sua casa. You were a credit to the sport of soccer in this country and to DC United. If I wasn't chained to the wall with the door hinges, I would have saluted you with the Barra Brava at your last game.

Remember the Maine!

I love hockey as much as the next person, but college hockey?

I was sitting in the Red Room on what would otherwise be expected to be a dreary Friday night when in walked a chowdahead from Maine. I'm pretty sure the guy was a perv hopped up on crack but he claimed his "nephew" was playing for the University of Maine. It was the kind of bullshit story that was odd enough to make you think, why would he lie about that of all things?

Anyway, when the pucked dropped he was yelling at the television like Scott Cote spewing out epithets because Mariano Rivera threw one high and inside to David Ortiz.

I appreciate that there are still individuals like him that take sports so seriously that they yell at the television in a public place like Summers, but this is the Red Room. We are a higher class of bar clientele and we don't raise our voices and we don't yell at televisions.

And serisouly, it was a game between Maine and North Dakota, two places I'm pretty sure don't even really exist. And I wish this loud-mouth spaz would go there.

Boston Ruin

I hate Zedno Chara. He is 8 feet tall and he plays worse denfence than I do. Granted, I've been injured for the entire season, but that's only because I decided to play hockey this season (I know! But We're going to win the Stanley Cup this year) and I body-checked people and as a result my body is sore because I acutally played my position.