Sunday, July 24, 2011

Green Eggs and Cap'n Sam

That Cap'n Sam-I-am
That Cap'n Sam-I-am
I do not like

Do you like
Green eggs and Cap'n Sam

I do not like jam
I do not like Cap'n Sam
I do not like his game
I do think he's totally lame

Would you like Cap'n Sam here?
Would you like Cap'n Sam there?

I do not like Cap'n Sam here
I do not like Cap'n Sam there
I do not like Cap'n Sam anywhere

I would not like him if he took off his stupid hat
I would not like him if he agreed to look after my cat

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Summers Fact #3

Summers Fact #3: Summers is designing a new generation of hapless wait staff to replace its oldest and least customer-friendly wait staff and address its top customer concern of just getting a fucking beer when I come in and sit down, I mean is that so hard? Hey Joe, I know for a fact you're not actually reading the customers surveys you handed out because your menu is still the same and your specials are still the same and you're still using the blue electrical tape as your entire marketing plan. Also, your worst wait staff are still employed which should drive any customer bonkers, but I digress. For details, go to

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Please Call Home

Take one last look before you leave the Red Room
Because, oh somehow it means so much to me
If you ever need me you know where I'll be
So please call home
Tell me if Joe has lifted the doom and gloom

I guess I saw it coming, the service was so bad
Oh, but I could not stand the failure
Before you leave there's just one thing I must say
Please call home
Let me know if Mya's not working and I'll be glad

So go on, I won't say no more
My heart aint in Summers, but I'll hold on
Just remember what I said before
Please call home
Let me know if there's no salsa dancers on the floor

Monday, July 18, 2011

Its Bullshit

I still can't believe the Bedazzler thought he was surrounded by the real people of Arlington when he went to Summers. Real people don't go to Summers and real people in Arlington know better. Real people in Arlington go to Four Courts or Kitty O'Sheas or Ri-Ra or O'Sullivan's or whatever fucking cookie-cuttter Irish bar has a generic Irish name. They're all the same, and that's what real people like. They like being just like everyone else.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Summers Fact #2

Summers Fact #2: To help ease travel through the Red Room, Joe is removing staff every day and not attending to patrons, driving them away and thereby easing congestion. He is also overhauling the menu and the entertainment schedule every day confusing every last customer. For details, go to

Monday, July 4, 2011

Summers Fact #1

Who knew that the worst-run company in the area could come up with a brilliant marketing plan? The second worst-run company in the area could take a hint. To that end, I'm going to unofficially adopt it as Summers new marketing plan.

Summers Fact #1: Summers is investing less than $5 dollars in less than one complete project, no new lock on the bathroom door, no new karaoke DJ, no new ceiling tiles, no new bartenders, no new menus items, no new specials, nothing to build a better place for you. For details, go to