Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 22

A calculator. So someone behind the bar can add up how many drinks each customer actually had.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 21

A scholarship to the Wharton School. Someone wants Joe to learn something about running a business.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 20

Mr. Boston Official Bartenders Guide You know so George can learn to make everyday drinks, you know if he could learn to read first.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 19

A free hug. Just because.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 18

An audio-book copy of "The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money" Because I'm not sure Joe can read and even if he can, he won't and he needs to learn something about maintaining customers' interest, earning money and hiring half-decent employees.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 17

A USB port. So customers can recharge their phones in order to post Yelp! reviews about how terrible the Summers' service is because they are too drunk to post them by the time they get home [I'm just guessing - Ed.].

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 16

"Make Summers Great Again" red trucker hat Stealing from the Trump playbook, Joe is working really hard to make everything great again at Summers so he deserves a token of appreciation.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 15

A roll of blue tape. Blue tape is still the adhesive of choice at Summers.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 14

A dictionary. So Joe can look up "irony" mentioned in the last post, but also so he can look up customer and service.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 13

A new HVAC system. So Joe doesn't have to lock all the doors to try and prevent his customer from freezing to death while at the same time creating a fire hazard. Oh the irony.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 12

An anti-virus program. You know so the Russians can't hack the registers at Summers and change my bar tab like they changed the elections results. Trump didn't have that many votes and I certainly didn't have that much to drink.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 11

A color printer. So the pathetic limited happy hour menu with deals that aren't deals is at east in color. Then we would all feel that we weren't getting hoodwinked so badly.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 10

A Vuvuzela. As annoying as those atrocious noisemakers were, wouldn't Summers patrons rather listen to that cacophonous monstrosity than listen to their friends prattle on or listen to more excuses from Joe?

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 9

Napkins. Because I don't know who has been using my seat, my utensils or my glass, napkins will help me wipe everything down one more time.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 8

40th Anniversary edition of The Last Waltz. Because it is the best concert film of all time and Summers and staff could afford to learn a thing or two about music.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 7

A soap box. Oh no, it's not for me to stand up on and rail against the terrible service at Summers and how shoddy and irresponsible the Summers management is, it's for the one bartender that can't see over the bar to see customers, let alone help them.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 6

Microsoft Office. Mostly for Microsoft Word and its built-in spell check so the menus and the happy hour printouts don't make you look like an illiterate dumb-ass.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 5

A new "Help Wanted" sign. Because Summers' best bartenders are leaving (or were let go for no reason) and the new ones that Joe is hiring have no clue what they're doing.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 4

An extra TV remote. You know so Joe can put football games on tv when people ask for them rather than having them walk out the door.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 3

Coasters. Summers has never been known for cleanliness, but the barbacks don't do much work so using coasters and never having to clean the top of of the bar makes everyone's life easier.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 2

A bartender. Oh thank God. Summers could use a half-decent bartender because George is the worst.

Summers Advent Calendar 2016 - Day 1

A bottle of Tito's Vodka. It must be the extra bottle that one of the Summers staff accidentally borrowed or the bottle that Joe refused to order from VA ABC because his customers enjoyed Tito's.