Thursday, April 13, 2017

Jamming in Joe's Garage - The Central Scrutinizer

This is Joe. I am the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...

It is my responsibility to enforce some of the laws some of the time for some of the patrons and all of the laws for all of the patrons none of the time and remind none of the patrons of none of the laws that none of them even know. I certainly can't be bothered to give customers a heads up about the things that I haven't told them I've made up and aren't even laws but I judge them on because I've tried to hide my insecurities behind ABC regulations and unsubstantiated customer feedback because I have a fear of engaging with customers since I don't want to listen to them. 

It is also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the potential consequences of various ordinary drinking activities you might be performing which could eventually lead to you getting banned from Summers or having extra beers added to your tab because I can't be bothered to hire decent help let alone teach them how to do their job because I am so focused on expenses I don't have time to care about customer service (or worry about your credit rating). 

Our drinking institutions are full of little creeps like Summers regulars who do wrong things...
and many of them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC! Our terrible Yelp reviews have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to people walking by our establishment that more spurious made-up laws are being drawn up at this very moment to stop us playing music outside forever!

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Customer Complaints - April 2017

There are a lot of customer complaints at Summers.

This one tickled our funny bone because it was made about someone that doesn't even work at Summers. There is a regular, let's call him Derek, who was in Summers one day to drink a couple of the cheapest beers in Arlington. He was wearing a dark shirt and sitting near the door and so he received complaints from customers because he didn't help seat everyone that walked in the door.

I find it ironic that both Joe and other shitty Summers staff couldn't wait to mention perceived problems to this Summers regular rather than noticing their own service shortcomings.

That is one of Joe's biggest management deficiencies, he would rather play the blame game and spread the criticism to customers and co-workers instead of making things better.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Wrestlemania at Summers

Another Wrestlemania, another chance to show how fake Summers' customer service is.

Once again, another Wrestlemania is upon us and once again Joe will prove that he doesn't know anything about business, running a bar, or what customer service even means.

Hardcore wrestling fans started showing up well before the published Wrestlemania start time of 6 P.M. They waited patiently in an increasingly crowded front room without wrestling coverage as Joe made excuses about why he wouldn't open the back room.

He didn't call anyone to come in early, he didn't put on wrestling coverage early and he certainly didn't come out and talk to his customers that were clearly showing their impatience.

We here at Slumlog have no sympathy for Joe and scoff at his handling of the situation and his disregard for the customers, especially since the same thing happened last year and the year before.