Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Grass Is Always Greener...

Every once in a while I like to get out and see what life is like on the other side of the fence. I mean there has to be more to life than Summers, doesn't there?

Well, let me tell you what life outside Summers is like. Its nasty, brutish and short. Any place with people is always so fucking loud its hard to hear yourself think, let alone tell someone else what you think about the sad state of professional sports in the Washington DC metroplitan area.

If the place is busy, it also means the service is slow. But you get used to it if you've been to Summers. Plus, these other places have an excuse. They're busy.

Any place that has people in it also makes it hard to get a seat. I spent a significant amount of time tonight standing around listening to drunk frat boys yell about how about they closed a deal at work and now they're going to close the deal with the chick over there by the pool table.

Fine, go do it now, just stop yelling in my year you ignorant dickhead.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Wreck of the Red Room Disaster

The legend lives on from Clarendon on down
In the sketchy bar they call Summers
The Red Room it is said never gives up her dead
Just sitting back there is a bummer

With a load of empty beers
There were plenty of fears
The server would never return

Though good customers are few
The complaints still ring true
Someone should be there to serve them

If the Red Room is open
Someone is always hopin'
To get one more brew

It may be a slow news day
But if its a Tuesday
Have someone working the bar

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Copa Oro Quatrain

Our opponent we did not choose
But still, we found a way to lose
We did not win the game
Our defense caused us shame

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Draft Beer Night Quatrain

Come to Summers, have a cheap beer
There's a hidden catch, have no fear
Thought you could drink like Vivian Leigh?
A pint used to be $2.75, but now its $3.oo

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Quornhole Quatrain

People wanted to come to Summers to watch soccer
Summers was totally understaffed, what a shocker
Customers sighed in disgust, walked out the door
Even though there were only two on the dance floor

Yelp me if you've heard this one before

If Joe was worried about the Yelp reviews before, he should be shitting his pants now. He's completely butchered the biggest event to hit summers since $3.00 pint night.

I am sitting here in my door frame watching some chick collecting the cover charge from the three people on the planet that did not know that the US was playing Panama tonight and want to salsa dance instead of watching sports. One of those people was Joe who was stupid enough to pay the cover charge in his own bar.

Before you hate the hater, this is the same guy that closed half bar and turned away paying customers so two people could dance.

I'm just saying.
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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Quandian Quatrains

Tuesday night at Summers is no longer for salsa dancing
Still, that does not stop the Canadians from prancing
And swarming the dance floor like they own the joint
I could ask them to stop but what would be the point?

Later that evening I asked one of them the rules of hockey
They said surely you ask me this just to mock me
The rules are as plain as the nose on your face
If you don't know the rules of hockey, leave this place.

I don't know the rules of some stupid game so you ask me to leave
And in so departing your damnable presence I will not grieve
I had previously thought that all Canadiana were cool
But this one in the funny looking hat is a fool.

So I asked the other one if he knew anything about puppets
He said I've met Gonzo, I think he's one of the muppets
I've also met Oscar the Grouch, he lives on Sesame Street.
Then he asked me, do these sliders contain actual meat?

To which I said, I have no clue how the food is prepared
To ponder that simple question I have never even dared
I think I saw Sonny mixing up ingredients in his bucket
After throwing up in my mouth a little, I said gross.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Gold Cup Quatrains

Its not exactly World Cup Haikus, but its all I got.

Gold Cup is a time to watch the U.S. play soccer
To put on my game Joe goes to the dungeon
Mya's working the bar and I like to mock her
She's not that bad, I'm just a curmudgeon

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Survey Says...

I don't want to get my hopes up because I have been disappointed so very many times before, but maybe Joe actually read those surveys that he handed out to patrons.

I actually recognized every single song that I heard at Summers the last time that I was there. It was a nice change of pace to enjoy the music I heard at Summers, partly because the two ladies at the end of the bar were talking about how their blackberrys were ringing off the hook, and the music helped distract me from their endless oh-no-he-didnt one-upsmanship, and partly because I haven't recognized a song I heard at Summers since that time I was at Galaxy Hut.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step, and Joe may be making a step in the right direction. He has a hell of a lot to make up for though because he changed Salsa night at the last second and at the drop of a hat too without telling anyone. Not staff, not patrons, not drunk ex-pat Canadians looking for their next bottle of cheap Canadian swill.

So let's just call this baby steps and forgive him, again, for he knows not what he does. Although if its not salsa night at Summers, the music might not suck.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Womens World Cup

The Womens World Cup is starting soon and in Germany no less. I hope all the wannabe German bandwagon fans wear their liederhosen. Don't mock. It is better than a chorus of vuvuzelas.
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Monday, June 6, 2011

Ours is Not To Wonder Why

Ours is not to wonder why, ours is but to do and die. Its not the charge of the Light Brigade, but I still feel it is our duty to fill out this survey and let Joe really know what we think about Summers. We've all talked about Summers in hushed tones and whispers behind peoples' backs, but now is our chance. Everything that we feel, right wrong or indifferent should be made plain. It may be a little too late for some of the problems at Summers are not recent, but I honestly admire the effort. Actually, I was completely floored. I couldn't believe that Joe would actually do something like this. It is all for naught though unless he does something with the information that he gathers and improves Summers for the better.

But not too much better, I still want to be able to get a seat.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

$2.75 Pint Night, Why Hast Thou Foresaken Me?

$2.75 pint night at Summers is no more.

I mean if you even knew about it in the first place. The single best idea Joe has ever had and not only didn't he tell people about it he didn't tell people he changed his mind at the last minute.

As with anything that Joe does there are so many things wrong with his initial idea, his execution, his dropping of the ball and his cover-up when the shit hits the fan that it will turn your brown eyes blue.

One, $2.75 pint night is a brilliant idea. Two, if you have the cheapest beer in Arlington, you need to tell people about it. Three, nobody is going to know about the cheapest beer in Arlington if the only advirtisement you put up is an advertisement in the mens' bathroom. Four, tell people what you're doing.
Five. tell people when you stop doing what you're supposed to be doing.

Joe, I know you're the worst small business owner in Arlington but why hast thou forsesaken your customers?