Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Dawning of the Age of Aquarius

With the departurs of Maya, Sammii and Crash (i mean crash did actually work at summers for at least one day right so he qualifies as an actual employee, right?), a new age dawns at Summers.

I wish I could say out with the old and in with the new, but one of the big problems with Summers is not the staff, its the management and ownership.

You can bring in new bartenders and they can be great bartenders, but if they don't actually work the red room or if you don't pay them enough to pretend to care about customers, the service isn't going to get any better and you won't have any more customers than you do now and the infusion of new blood will all be for naught.

Monday, August 29, 2011


Classic Joe.

The going away party was supposed to start at 7 and the doors weren't even open until 7:10.

Plus, there wasn't even anyone there for the first half hour because nobody had seen the one sign taped to the wall on the side of one of the stalls in the mens room on the light side. Don't get me wrong, I did not like working with Mya but she's worked here for a long time and the best you can do is put up a flyer on the wall in the toilet?

I shudder to think what will happen to me when you take me off my hinges and sell me for scrap.

And the food was a long time in coming. It was supposed to be complimentary but it wasn't available until about twenty o'clock which isn't much of a compliment.

And for Christ's sake, Mya bought more drinks than you did Joe and it was her fucking going away party. That's poor form and shows a blatant disrepect for your employees.

How the hell are you going to get a decent bartender to work the red room if you don't respect them and you won't love them in the morning?

Friday, August 26, 2011

Mr. Smokes Too Much

I was in Summers the other night with a friend of mine. Let's call him Morococino. This Morococino gets in a discussion with the owner of the bar at which we were satten. Satting? Had been satting? Anyway, the owner of this bar says to Morococino you should start a smoking club that meets here at this bar, let call it Plumbers.

Just FYI, the service at Plumbers sucks.

Ordering a beer at Plumbers is like dealing with an actual plumber. They both charge you an arm and a leg and don't actually fix the problem you're having. Plus, the company they work for tells you they will be there between 10-6 and they're not there even there when your beer is empty or when you want another drink or basically any time you sit down at the bar.

But my friend, Morococino, gets into a discussion with the owner of the bar about creating a smoking club that meets at his shitty dive bar.

The thing that bothered me the most was that the owner of the bar, let's call him Ho, expected my friend to bring in all the customers for smoking night.

I've never been a big fan of Ho's, but he's wearing his own ass for a hat if he thinks its his customers resposibility to bring in more customers.

And having a smoking night is about the dumbest idea I've ever heard for going to a bar (besides a going away party for Mya I mean). Good beer, good prices, good service, those are all good, no great, reasons for going to a bar.

You know what a bad reason for going to a bar is?

To hear the owner of the bar tell you you're the reason his bar sucks.

That's Not A Going Away Party...

... this is a going away party. I have to say that Mya has not been one of my favourite co-workers but Joe has done his usual piss-poor job of organizing a special event and then not actually telling anyone about it. I've not enjoyed working with Mya but I have to say that she deserves a better going away party than being cooped up in the Red Room with a bunch of fucking losers, I mean regulars, I mean friends of hers. I'm not one, but I know she has friends and someone needs to do a better job of inviting people to the event (everyone's invited, unlike most nights at summers when nobody is invited and people are actually turned away at the door because joe doesn't want customers) than putting one sign on the back wall of the ladies room (yeah, im a man but i had to go real bad and the sign on the red room door warned me that the door wouldn't lock). Speaking of real bad, I want one of those House Brand Cocktails real bad, because if Summers is making its own booze I gotta taste some of that and hell I'd work the still out back just to get a taste. And they better be good cacktails because if there's one thing that Mya does do well it is make a good cocktail. I am hoping for the best even though Joe's track record ain't too good because as much as it pains me to say it, Mya deserves better. And that snack food better be fucking complimentary to me because I just polished up the old door stop and I am looking damn fine.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Top 10 Reasons Why Summers Is Empty

1. Who needs to wait ten minutes for a beer?
2. Who needs to wait ten minutes to get my game on tv?
3. Who the hell knows if the red room is even open tonight?
4. Who the hell picked the music?
5. Who the hell just farted?
6. Where the hell is everyone?
7. What the hell are the specials tonight?
8. Why does love got to be so bad?
9. Why doesn't Joe do something about this?
10. Where the hell is my bartender?

Summers Seeks Smoking Sexy Singles

Sonny's salacious scuttlebut says Summers newest sweetest success story is to sell Summers as a Sexy Smokers Club. Say it isn't so.

Saying sexy smokers should sit in Summers and smoke shan't sell them a serious incentive to swing by Summers if the service and specials don't see serious sweetening.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Ding Dong

The Witch is dead.

And I'm not talking about Glenda the Good Witch.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Garden Party

I went to a garden party to reminisce with my old friends
A chance to share old memories and tell our stories again
When I got to the garden party, they all knew my name
But I couldn't get a beer, so I need someone to blame.

The co-opted Rick Nelson lyrics aside, every once in a while I like to venture outside the confines of the red room. I need to see how the other half lives. This time I went a little further afield and went to a garden party.

Fine, it wasn't in a garden. It was outside though and I know because I could see what was happening. The red room is usually so dark I can't finish my crossword. Yeah, that's the ticket. Its because its dark and not because I'm stupid. Plus, when I returned from the garden party I didn't smell like smoke and I wasn't covered in a thin film of ash and other detritus.

One of the other things I like about garden parties is that I can get my own beer or fix my own drink. I don't have to wait for Skeletor to get back from break or return from fending off the advances of Ram-Man in the dugneon of Castle Grayskull.

And garden parties have way better music. The red room was playing some good tunes there for a red hot minute, but its back to being pretty non-scottish right now. And if its not scottish its crap! The party I went to played some Lyle Lovett and Bob Marley. And did I just hear a track from King Curtis? That's some good shit.

Man, I love this tune. Time to get another beer.

By the power of Grayskull. I have the power. To get me another beer.

Sunday, August 21, 2011


Cuidado indeed. What we need is some fucking bartendertronics in the red room. I mean Joe has to do something to improve customer service and equipping the staff with cartronics might be a good start. Caution: bartender will STOP suddenly if taken out of the red room. That way I can get a beer without having to wait eleven minutes and without having to figure out what to say to the two canadian ex-pats at the end of the bar who do nothing but talk about star wars and javascript.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Summers Van Winkle

Who the hell put the roofie in my drink?

I feel like I've been asleep for twenty years but its only been three weeks judging by the last blog post. The last thing I remember is some tourist that looked vaguely familiar and bore a striking resemblance to an overweight Josh Hartnet with a bad goatee walking into the Red Room and yelling "Who's Ready for a Bear Fight?"

And then yelling "Who's ready for another Bear Fight?"

And then yelling it again and again and ag...