Saturday, July 31, 2010

Canadian Cocktail Party

I miss Summers.

I miss Summers because I am on the road and I am out of the country and I can't drink Molson Canadians on Molson Canadian night. Of course, I'm in Canada and every night is Molson Canadian night and I have a 24 right next to my chair as I sit on the beach. But I digress.

Nothing makes me miss Summers more than standing around on a beach at cocktail hour talking to Canadians that grew up in Barrie or London talking about how awesome there OHL team is and how they went down to see them every Friday night after getting the special at A&W or Harveys and driving to the rink because they had nothing else to do.

Washington DC has ambitious people but nobody like climbers I met from Barrie & Guelph this week. Even though Summers is situated near DC, it doesn't have the ambitious go-getters and social climbers that Parry Sound does, and I miss it. Also, beer is like a million dollars here. I also miss Summers because beer is cheap and I don't have to pay the 15% combined pst & gst.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Red Red Room

Red red room
Burns through my eyes
Makes me forget
This is the bar, I used to go

Red red room
You’re growing on me
Your door has a stop
It's tearin' apart
My green, green heart

Red red room you make my heart skip a beat
And it’s not just from the puke under my feet

Red red room you make me have so much fun
Listening to the World Music you just have spun

Red red room, I’m feelin’ the heat
And yup, or maybe, it’s from what I had to eat

Red red room our love is not a fad
People who say that are still wearing plaid

Red red room, people come from miles
Just to see your Moldy Tiles

Red red room you make me feel melancholy
And I just learned to spell that from a girl named Holly

Red red room you know I'd never cheat
You’re the only place I can visit with my big smelly feet

Red red room you make me feel so down
Maybe, because, I live across town

Red red room I can't get you off my mind
Wherever you are, I'll surely find
Even if you make me blind

Monday, July 19, 2010

Cruz Azul 17

Summers has many things going for it. It is metro-accessible. It is close to my house. It is cheap. It has some good bartenders. It is quiet and I can get a seat. And Mya doesn't work every night.

As much as I like Summers, every once in a while I like to venture further afield in search of cheap drinks, I mean the best entertainment available. A few weeks ago I even ventured out to Columbia, MD which is just as far as Bogota, Colombia to me.

Anyway, when I went out to the Columbia, Maryland version of Summers, I learned two very important and useful things.

As out of style as the chairs in the Redrum are, at least they have backs. I tried to sit on one of the stools/chairs/too trendy for its own good seats at Cruz Azul 17 and I nearly fell on my fat ass. Granted I was drink drank drunk, but who has a curved bannana seat on a stool at a bar? I haven't had the pleasure of sitting on a bannana seat since my parents sold my Huffy.

Hey Mom & Dad, the Jerk Store called. They're all out of you.

Anyway, Cruz Azul 17 made me appreciate another thing about Summers. As garish as the new red light district is, at least the lights are above the bar, not in the bar. Having lights in the bar is distracting, and annoying, and completely useless for patrons of said establisment because it is not like I can use them to flag down an inattentive bartender to order a drink.

Golden Slumbers

Golden Slummers fills yours eyes, smiles await you when you order a burger special with fries
Sleep pretty darling, do not cry, Sonny will furl the table umbrellas if you die.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

We aren't the World, but now we know where to find it.

For those folks who haven't been living in the Cave for the last couple weeks, Thursday night at Summers is now World Music Night, complete with a D.J. who will spin all your favorite World Music hits for your grooving pleasure.  And for those folks who still insist that "there's no such thing as World Music,"  well, people - I hate to break it to you, but it's legitimate.  In a stroke of pure Summertime serendipity, the real-life, honest-to-your-god-of-choice World Music Awards will air tonight on WDCA-TV.  I would expect Summers to carry the event on at least half of the televisions, considering Joe Daddy's thorough commitment to all things International.  Enjoy! Salut!  Ganbei!  Prost!  Slainte!  Boogie on down.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Red Lights, Big City

You are not the kind of guy who would be at a place like this at this time of the day and, though the details are fuzzy, you cannot say that the terrain at Summers is entirely unfamiliar.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Out on the Moldy Tiles

As I walk down to the bathroom all I do is sing this song
And a metro train that's moving my way helps move the rythmn along
There is no doubt about it, words are clear
Summers is strong, oh so strong

I'm just a simple guy, I live from special to special
A bottle of Molson Canadian melts my frown and blows my blues away
There's nothing more that I can say but on a day like today
I pass the time away hoping that Mya quits with you

All I need from Summers is all of its love
All you got to give me is some of your beer

Honore de Bleu Balzac

I saw Diego Forlan of Uruguay score one of the best goals of the 2010 World Cup tournament in South Africa in the third place game against Germany and before I knew it, all of a sudden my doorstop lifted itself into the upright position, just like it had a mind of its own.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Color Me Badd

Orange you glad that the Netherlands didn't win the 2010 World Cup?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Theisman's in a lot of trouble...

And it was Lawrence Taylor who slammed Theisman to the ground.

Broke his leg. One of the grossest things I've ever seen. One thing that ain't broke is Theisman's restaurant in Old Town, Alexandria. Sure, I'm biased because I am a Redskins fan and Theisman's is close to the office, but it has a few other things going for it as well.

First of all, it has good food and real drinks. I had some seared ahi tuna that beats the ascot off a Summers sampler platter. Second of all, it has actual specials every day of the week. If Theisman's actually served Molson Canadian, I'm pretty sure I could drink it more than just on Wednesdays. Third of all, it has free food, there's always free popcorn on the rails. What happened to the free chips & salsa that Mean Joe Green served for like three days?

And don't even get me started on the sidewalk traffic in Old Town. Its better than Arlington.

Mean Joe Green ain't Joe Theisman, but he sure could learn a thing or two.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I Saw The Sign

I saw the sign and it opened my eyes. I saw the sign, but nobody is going to drag me to the light side of Summers where I belong. Seriously, I love the new Red Room at Summers (well, actually I am kind of sweet on Summers New Door and truth be told I like it better), but why is there a sign for the Red Room all the way at the back by the back door exit? I mean if I am in the Red Room and I am allllll the way back here in the deepest darkest corner of it, I am pretty sure that I have already been enticed into entering into entering the Red Room and its not like I'm suddenly going to think OH MY GOD, I need to have a private here and this sign was the thing that convinced me. On the other hand, I'm kind of impressed that Mean Joe Green is advertising something. Which reminds me, I think I saw a sign for the Peroni beer special for one split section, but I can't be sure. On the other other hand, I've been to Summers a few time before, and I have never ever, and I do mean ever, seen a private party there. Maybe I haven't been invited to any of the private parties that have actually been hosted here, but I've also never been turned away either. I'm also not sure that I have ever seen entertainment there, but I have always been entertained.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Women Are Like Sidney Crosby

I don't understand either of them.

At least I know Sidney Crosby is a bitch and I can cross-check him if I have to.

Women not so much. They confuse me more than the centre-ice trap. Take this past weekend for example.

This chick I haven't seen in over a year calls me out of the blue, which totally freaked me out because I haven't seen you in over a year and the last time I did see you, you were yelling at me and you told me you never wanted to see me again. What the fuck changed? Do you feel sorry for me because I didn't win the Norris trophy this year? But I was like okay, let's hang out.

But it wasn't okay. I'd been beating myself up for a year because I thought I'd done something to drive you away. Is it my fault that when I tried to tell you I love you it came out like I love you when you vote for me for the Norris trophy? Forgive me. I know hockey, I don't know women.

But that wasn't the end of it. I didn't eat breakfast or lunch because I was so nervous. I even threw up in my hot tub because I was so stressed out. I haven't seen you in forever, and I've been in love with you for longer than that, and all you've probably seen of me is my shitty Geico commericals and me playing like ass in the NHL playoffs. I need to make a good first impression.

I didn't. I choked worse than I did in the playoffs.

I should have gone to Summers to have a drink to calm the nerves. At least they're aren't any chicks in Summers.

Big Redrum Taxi

I don't want to get off on another rant here, but why did Joe destroy the one good thing about Summers? Joe, why did you pave paradise?

They painted the old back room, put up the new Redrum
With a pink ascot, a Yuengling, and a swinging hot spot
Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til its gone
They painted the old back room, put up the new Redrum

They took all the good bartenders, put them in a good bartender museum
Overcharged all the people on their drinks just to see 'em
Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til its gone
They painted the old back room, put up the new Redrum

Hey Terry, Terry, put away the Red-Headed Sluts now
Give me sparks on my apples, but tell me about the birds & the bees
Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til its gone
They painted the old back room, put up the new Redrum

Late last night, I heard Summers New Door Slam
And the Big Yellow Taxi took away my cd of Wham
Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til its gone
They painted the old back room, put up the new Redrum

Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til its gone
They painted the old back room, put up the new Redrum

Monday, July 5, 2010

Red Room, White and Blue

Red room, white and blue, what does Summers mean to you?
Independence Day, how do you feel about the U.S.A.