Thursday, April 13, 2017

Jamming in Joe's Garage - The Central Scrutinizer

This is Joe. I am the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...

It is my responsibility to enforce some of the laws some of the time for some of the patrons and all of the laws for all of the patrons none of the time and remind none of the patrons of none of the laws that none of them even know. I certainly can't be bothered to give customers a heads up about the things that I haven't told them I've made up and aren't even laws but I judge them on because I've tried to hide my insecurities behind ABC regulations and unsubstantiated customer feedback because I have a fear of engaging with customers since I don't want to listen to them. 

It is also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the potential consequences of various ordinary drinking activities you might be performing which could eventually lead to you getting banned from Summers or having extra beers added to your tab because I can't be bothered to hire decent help let alone teach them how to do their job because I am so focused on expenses I don't have time to care about customer service (or worry about your credit rating). 

Our drinking institutions are full of little creeps like Summers regulars who do wrong things...
and many of them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC! Our terrible Yelp reviews have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to people walking by our establishment that more spurious made-up laws are being drawn up at this very moment to stop us playing music outside forever!

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