Monday, April 25, 2016
That's Summers
That's Summers (that's Summers), that's what all the people say
You're ignored in April, overcharged in May
But I know I'm gonna stop coming here soon
When I'm back on top, back on top in June
I said that's Summers (that's Summers), as funny as it may seem
Joe get his kicks stompin' on each customer's dream
But I don't let him win, let it get me down
'cause this fine old world, it keeps goin' around
That's Summers (that's Summers), I tell you I can't deny it
But our favorite bar of all time has really gone to shit
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Summers Sonnet III
Look in thy glass and tell the emptiness thou viewest
Now is the time the bartender should pour another;
Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest,
Reveals thou dost really want to unbless a brother
For where is the bartender so fair whose fault
Disdains the dreary tillage of thy husbandry?
So they can visit Joe's underground vault
Of self-love and questionable paternity?
But if thou live, and if thou go to Summers
Woe is thee and you must leave immediately,
Thou will be unable to purge all the terrible bummers
And thou will die single and thine image dies with thee.
Now is the time the bartender should pour another;
Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest,
Reveals thou dost really want to unbless a brother
For where is the bartender so fair whose fault
Disdains the dreary tillage of thy husbandry?
So they can visit Joe's underground vault
Of self-love and questionable paternity?
But if thou live, and if thou go to Summers
Woe is thee and you must leave immediately,
Thou will be unable to purge all the terrible bummers
And thou will die single and thine image dies with thee.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Summers Sonnet 43 (Ode 3)
It is the 400th anniversary of William Shakespeare's death today. It is only appropriate that as creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of last call; and all our wasted yesterdays at Summers have lighted fools the way to Summers' dusty death, that we celebrate Summers as we celebrate Shakespeare, and to that end we compose this eulogy:
Summers, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need for warm flat beer
I love thee freely, though I can't buy a thrill.
I love thee purely, though you gave me the wrong bill.
I love thee with the passion put to use ignoring my will.
Summers, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need for warm flat beer
I love thee freely, though I can't buy a thrill.
I love thee purely, though you gave me the wrong bill.
I love thee with the passion put to use ignoring my will.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Summers Sonnet 43 (Ode 2)
Summers, how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
I love thee for thy flat beer
I love thee for thy dearth of cheer
I love thee for thy lack of service
Why do you make me so nervous?
Let me count the ways.
I love thee for thy flat beer
I love thee for thy dearth of cheer
I love thee for thy lack of service
Why do you make me so nervous?
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Summers Sonnet 43 (Ode 1)
Summers, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee Summers to the depth of your HD TVs
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
Because the bartender can't even see me.
I love thee Summers to the depth of your HD TVs
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
Because the bartender can't even see me.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Summers Lent Calendar - Day 8
On the eighth day of Lent, we're giving up cocktail napkins.
Summers is finally going green so we're going to stop killing trees by giving up cocktail napkins for Lent. Like coasters, cocktail napkins are disease traps and who the hell can be bothered to recycle paper products anyway? Plus, it makes our bartenders and waitstaff do more work and in this harsh economic climate we're not giving any employee more money for more work.
Summers is finally going green so we're going to stop killing trees by giving up cocktail napkins for Lent. Like coasters, cocktail napkins are disease traps and who the hell can be bothered to recycle paper products anyway? Plus, it makes our bartenders and waitstaff do more work and in this harsh economic climate we're not giving any employee more money for more work.
Summers Lent Calendar - Day 7
On the seventh day of Lent, we're giving up coasters.
Customers are not allowed to place their drinks directly on the bar, because God forbid we would have to wipe or clean the bar, but coasters can get pretty grungy and are disease traps and market every company in the world but Summers so we're going to give up coasters for Lent.
Customers are not allowed to place their drinks directly on the bar, because God forbid we would have to wipe or clean the bar, but coasters can get pretty grungy and are disease traps and market every company in the world but Summers so we're going to give up coasters for Lent.
Summers Lent Calendar - Day 6
On the sixth day of Lent, we're giving up counting.
We have 60 televisions, or 50 , or 40, or 55, it really depends on who is counting. Counting is tough and it is hard to keep track of the total amounts so we're giving counting for Lent. Sure, we talk about 60 HD televisions in all or our marketing materials but who reads or listens to us, and if anyone has a complaint we will just say we are recalculating.
We have 60 televisions, or 50 , or 40, or 55, it really depends on who is counting. Counting is tough and it is hard to keep track of the total amounts so we're giving counting for Lent. Sure, we talk about 60 HD televisions in all or our marketing materials but who reads or listens to us, and if anyone has a complaint we will just say we are recalculating.
Summers Lent Calendar - Day 5
On the fifth day of Lent, we're giving up high definition.
We have high definition-capable televisions but high definition service is expensive and our customers don't really watch sports even though we try and brand ourselves as a sports bar (and restaurant) and we don't really care what our customers think in the first place.
We have high definition-capable televisions but high definition service is expensive and our customers don't really watch sports even though we try and brand ourselves as a sports bar (and restaurant) and we don't really care what our customers think in the first place.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Summers Lent Calendar - Day 4
On the fourth day of Lent, we're giving up swearing.
At least until we can get that customer another #$%& beer and pour them a real #$%$# shot of Fireball and put their #$#$%^& game on the television they're looking at, I mean how !@##$% hard is it to put the Washington +_+$%** Capitals game on a television they can see? And what the #^#* is with all the bar tabs? Not every #^&%^ customer buys ^&^%$%# Miller Lites. Seriously, what the $#%^&*&%^$ is up with this place? We don't want to point fingers but we blame @#$% @#$%# W #$^%$ )(*).
Okay. So we're giving up swearing now.
We are !@)%$@ serious this time.
At least until we can get that customer another #$%& beer and pour them a real #$%$# shot of Fireball and put their #$#$%^& game on the television they're looking at, I mean how !@##$% hard is it to put the Washington +_+$%** Capitals game on a television they can see? And what the #^#* is with all the bar tabs? Not every #^&%^ customer buys ^&^%$%# Miller Lites. Seriously, what the $#%^&*&%^$ is up with this place? We don't want to point fingers but we blame @#$% @#$%# W #$^%$ )(*).
Okay. So we're giving up swearing now.
We are !@)%$@ serious this time.
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