Thursday, February 23, 2012

I Am an Asshole

I thought I was just a regular Joe with a regular job. I like football and XXX and books about war. But sometimes, apparently, that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested. No. No way. I've got to go out and have fun at someone else's expense. I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane. I also stand to the left on the escalators while people behind me are going insane.

Thanks to the Adrian Fenty look-alike at CVS that pointed out my hypocrisy to me.

I was waiting in line for the next available check-out at CVS when the DC mayor's doppelganger ran in and cut in front of me to use a self-checkout kiosk.

Not liking his stance on charter schools or his cutting in line, I called him on it.

He was all standoffish and aloof and like "Oh, it that how it works?"

I was all concerned and whiny and like "Yeah."


"I was waiting for the next available check out."

"Okay. Wow, you don't have to be an asshole about it."

"I'm not being an asshole, I've just been waiting."

"Okay. Fine. But you don't have to be an asshole."

So I went to the self-checkout kiosk and the Fake Fenty stood in line until the cashier directed him to the next self-checkout kisok (which was next to me) and he was all detached and haughty about it and said to the CVS cashier, "Are you sure? I don't want to be an asshole like that guy."

So we cashed out at the same time and left the store together (awkward) and he got in his double-parked car (explains his hurry).

The whole experience made me pause and reflect.

I've said some dumbass things at Summers. I've done some dumbass things at Summers. I've said some inappropriate things at Summers. I've probably done some illegal things at Summers. Never, no, not once, has any staff or patron called me an Asshole.

Which is just another one of those things I love about Summers.

I can be an asshole but nobody's going to call me on it.

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