Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Bashing Baseball Because It Blows
I (that's me) fucking (still doesn't express the true depth of the hatred) hate (really hate, i know hate is a strong word but i really really hate) baseball (stupidest sport ever). Its (it is) the (THE) most (ultimate, supreme, top, zenith, nth degree) boring (tedious for tedious sake) game (more like self water torture and endurance test to see just how much crap you can put up with) I've (i know i am not supposed to use contractions but it is a school night and i am not able to type fast enough) ever(EVER) seen (seen, heard, read, remembered). I'd (i would) rather (dan) watch (with me own eyes) golf (who saw the tiger woods scandal coming?) or (conjunction) bowling (duck pin or ten pin, i don't care just don't make me play baseball) on (ion, eye on) television (too bad steve jobs died because he was going to change television as we know it too). I (me, myself and i. can i get a De La Soul hell ya?) know (i dont know much) that (that hat hates fat) it (i called not it) is (bill clinton's definition of is) America's (good ole US of A, not North America America) past (pabst? remember when summers served pbr in a can?) time (time waits for no one), but (beavis and but) I (I Me Mine. Damn, the Beatles are overrated) don't (do not donut) understand (oversit) it (stupid stephen king novel). Eight (the great 8) out (through the in door) of (for the love of) the (the the) ten (decimal dewey) players (hate the game) stand (another stupid stephen king novel) around (you spin me) and (hand in glove) do (doo) jack (man i miss 24) shit (merde). And (starting a sentence in a blog post with a conjunction is a bigger fucking faux pas than) baseball games (people get paid to do this shit?) are (didn't use to be) so (so) fucking (totally fucking) long (still an understatement). Baseball (moneyball) is (it is!) the (tha) worst (worstest) sport (other sports are irate its even called a sport) ever (4eva) and (plus) yet (not spanglish for jet) Joe (the dumbass running the place into the fucking ground, right down there in the 7th circle of hell with baseball) continues (continually) to (2) show (its a fucking show!) baseball (there's a hall of fame for standing around doing nothing?) games (i would rather play clue or stratego) at (tention) Summers (a whole other circle of hell). If (my grammar is worse than baseball) you're (you are) going (going, gone) to be (or not to be) a sports bar (which you're not because you don't always show sports), and (and how) I've (i have) heard (i swear) rumors (i don't like to gossip) to (straight to the top) the (das) effect (effex) that (that is) Summers (sanders) is (or pretends to be) a (one single) sports (joe's definition of sports is broad) bar (sets the bar pretty low), show (showgirls) some (sum if you add it up) real (pretend would be fine) fucking (pretend would be fine here too) sports (give sports a sporting chance). NHL (naturally hotshit league) hockey (actual real sport) games (its not a game, its war) would (could should ought) be (or not bee) a (ahhhh) good (better than most) start (don't let your mouth write checks your ass cant cash) Joe.