Tuesday, March 22, 2011


In our attempt to provide continuing support to Summers Restaurant and members of the Summers community, we have created another rogue web site, monstermatch.com, to match job applicants to job openings at Summers on 37 points of compatibility.

Just imagine if monster.com and match.com had an ugly red-headed step-child.

Imagine how ugly that would be.

And then multiply by infinity.

And add one.

Our site is worse.

But as a patron of Summers, I seek only the best service and really I would just be happy with a beer, and in order to make sure only the most qualified candidates apply, I offer this sample resume. If you are interested in applying for the job, check out our fake rogue website for additional information that won't help.

Name: Its like the SAT, you get 200 points for just filling in this space.

Address: Don't pick 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Or 1823 M St.

Objective: If you want to work at Summers, your objectives should be to debunk the myth of customer service, prove that two wrongs do make a right, prove one plus one equals three (you should have seen my last tab), state that you don't actually want to seek opportunities for advancement or professional development.

Skills Profile:I'm at a fucking loss to help you here. The only skills I've seen consistently across a broad range of employees are an inability to remember what I ordered, the ability to disappear when I want something to drink, the desire to tell me a story I couldn't care less about, the ability to forget what I ordered between where I'm sitting and the beer tap and the inability to figure out how a television remote works. Not that I wanted to wach a game anyway.

Employment History: This doesn't matter. Nobody looks and the people that are reviewing your resume or c.v. can't read anyway.

Emplyement Future: Get another fucking job because this one doesn't come as advertised.

Education: Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

References: Don't look at me.

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