Monday, December 20, 2010

Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars, Other Men are from Saskatchewan

I know nothing about women. That's why I have nothing but time to sit around and write this blog which is ironic considering I totally think this blog is the one thing that's finally going to get more ladies to notice me. I mean I haven't had such fine ladies holla at me this damn much since I was the one white dude standing in line for the Usher concert.

Anyway, I don't know nothing about ladies which is why I sit around my apartment and type up all these rants about how frustrated I am. That being said, there are a few things I know about meeting ladies and especially meeting ladies at Summers.

One, ladies at Summers don't want to listen to you talk about yourself, especially if you're talking about curling or Star Wars novels outside the George Lucas-approved story arc, but especially about curling.

Two, ladies at Summers don't want to listen to you tell bartenders how to make a drink, even if its one you just made up yourself on the spot, and even if the bartender is a Summers bartender and doesn't know how to make drinks in the first place (nb - how you treat others is how you will treat her).

Three, you're never the funniest person in the Red Room. Gino is. If Gino is not there, just pretend that he is because word will get back to him. If word doesn't get back to him, I will post something on his Facebook page so that he will focus on you and forget the $1000 I bet against the Caps that one time.

Four, wear a regular hat or a toque and stop being such a pretentious ass.

Five, ladies don't want to listen to you talk about how awesome your hockey team is or whether the three guitars of Lynyrd Skynyrd are just flat out better than the two guitars of the Allman Brothers even though numerical superiority would seem to indicate that Allen Collins, Ed Kng & Gary Rossington trump Duane Allman & Dickey Betts for sheer ability to do more with more, but I digress and that's just a digression ladies at Summers wouldn't put up with so take a lesson from me you Saskatchewan Simpleton, you need to step up your game if you want a gorgeous new gal.

No comments:

Post a Comment