Thursday, October 14, 2010

Summers’ Power Rankings – week of Oct. 10, 2010

Back for the first time by no particular demand, but everyone else is doing it so I'm just trying to set an example.

1. Carrie.  Behold the miracle of life! She delivered her son an astonishing 8-12 weeks early, on the most auspicious date of the year (10/10/10).  By the way, I know what you’re thinkin’ but he ain’t brown.  We just left him in the incubator too long.

2. Shawn.  He might forget a couple things here and there, like important corporate passwords and the fact that there have been customers sitting unattended in the Red Room for 25 minutes, but he’s way too responsible to let fatherhood interfere with restaurant management.  

3. Bandwagoners.  Behold the miracle of October!  You can almost taste the buzz in the atmosphere as sport fans brave the harsh autumn chill to celebrate Ray Holliday’s pinch-hitter and Art Green’s campaign to defend his Mike Ross Trophy from all those Semin.  GOOOLLLLL!  Bring me my Glitter Fist!  And fill it with your finest grog, good sir - I've got an axe throwing and a log whacking after I punt this leathery orb through the wickets!

4.  Rogue Summers-related websites.  Who would have guessed a little well-directed satire could cause such a kerfuffle in the Joe-o-sphere?  Certainly not anyone who wouldn't recognize the sarcasm in that question!

5. Extended Happy Hour.  8 is Great!  It also happens to be a long-held standard among the more customer-friendly establishments around town.  But it is encouraging news, and opens the door for all kinds of innovation.  Hell, who knows - five years from now we could be finishing off that Peroni keg while watching an HDTV!  Dare to dream.

Others receiving votes: Oregon Ducks (#2 AP and USA Today); Ottawa Senators (0-2, but if you drink enough Molson Canadian to make your eyes cross it looks like 2-0); and Sidney Crosby (he’s not crying, he’s allergic to how bad everyone else sucks).


  1. Sidney Crosby is crying, he's a big baby. So is Mike Fisher, ask Carrie Underwood to write you a song loser. The Caps will win the Presidents Trophy and the Stanley Cup and bandwagon fans are welcome, they make donations to Green's Gang.

  2. Hey! I opened the door to innovation first because I'm a door and I innovated a new way to keep people out of the Redrum.