Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Summers' Vacuum Rankings - Week of October, 17

Why develop a great idea when you can steal one? This is a list of things that suck.

1. Hockey coverage - I know its the baseball playoffs and its football season, but how hard is it to get a hockey game on a television at Summers? Baseball sucks and its boring. Football is better, but you're not allowed to hit guys like you are in hockey.

2. Caps fans - I couldn't get a parking spot in Arlington there were so many bandwagons. Its dangerous too with so many people jumping on and off the Caps bandwagon.

3. Philadelphia - I know this isn't strickly Summers-related but I hate Phillies phans and Flyers fans and I see plenty of them trying to park their own bandwagons outside Summers.

4. Red Room Service - If you're going to keep the Red Room open, Rock the Fucking Red. The flow of alcohol should be non-stop like the flow of brilliant conversation is. Stop pulling the goalie and put somone in the crease full-time and give me my damn beer. I shouldn't have to wait.

5. Red Room Bathroom - Seriously. No lock? Enough said.

6. Karaoke - Nobody here can sing.

7. Summers New Door - You're not new anymore. Get over it.

8. Moldy Tiles - I know beer and cigarettes and Summers food are bigger heakth risks, but every time I mistakenly glance upwards at the ceiling tiles, I throw up in my mouth a little.

9. Golden Tee - I know its not there any more and that's what sucks.

10 . Canadians - Seriously. Talk too much and think they know everything.


  1. Yo yo yo! Listen up, you bums! Why isn't JC Bobblehead on any of your lists? I know I'm no "Justin Timberlake" but I AM a reality dance show judge on television, and a while back I let everyone think I was banging Eva Longoria. So get with it, my slummy peeps!

  2. Don't mess with my moldy tiles!!!!!

  3. Anonymous, schmnonymous. I don't need to mess with the tiles because they're already a mess. I've never actually touched one (and I won't because I've seen Outbreak) but I kind of imagine its like touching King Tut in that it looks really old and it looks really gross but as soon as I touch it, it will disintegrate in a cloud of dust because I think the Moldy Tiles at Summers were actually brought over from the Nile River delta by the same people who built the pyramids because they smell like they're 10,000 years old and look like they're even older so I'll mess with the moldy tiles if I want to Emhoteph.

  4. These tiles only get better with age... much like the beer that sits around under florescent lights and cvs wine. The only thing older and dirtier than me is the floor, which is simply, disgusting.

  5. Uncalled for Moldy.