Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Mojito Madness

Last night was the most recent in a long string of baffling disappointments at Summers.  I showed up for Salsa Night with an acute mojito hankerin’ only to find that they had discontinued mojitos due to “lack of demand.”

My bewilderment exists on many levels, so I will attempt to peel them off one by one.

1. Since when has anything at Summers been driven by demand?  If it was, we’d have good music on the radio, real bartenders, non-toxic building materials, a lock on the bathroom door, decent food and drink specials, NO karaoke, and certainly NONE of this whole “Salsa Experience” bullshit, which is why…

2. There should have never been mojitos in the first place! But if you are going to run a special, RUN THE FUCKING SPECIAL UNTIL IT’S DEAD, but apparently Summers doesn’t have the attention span for that, which is why…

3. PERONI came out of the Miller Lite tap on Monday!  Don’t try to tell me it didn’t, Shawn, because I FUCKING KNOW IT DID.

4. Clearly the real culprit here is Summers’ incapacity to keep the necessary fresh mint on hand for the one day a week the special was offered.  We get it.  I mean, we really don’t, but we do.  It doesn’t even have to do with muddling being hard work, because Shawn had that shit down to a science, and it was good. But even if we were to pretend for a millisecond that anything happening at Summers was due to actual customer demand (or lack thereof) we could reasonably expect they’d manage to stock a bottle of Angostura Bitters behind the bar, for the ascot-wearing jackasses and other whiskey lovers who may on occasion be inclined to enjoy a motherfucking Manhattan, one of the most classic and fundamental cocktails of all time.  Bitters don’t go bad; they can sit on the shelf forever, they’re a STAPLE of any respectable bar stock, and unlike many others in that random and mysterious Summers’ array of tonics and potions (I’m looking at YOU, eight-year-old bottle of Apple Brandy), Bitters actually have a legitimate medicinal value.

5. At the core of my bewilderment lies an unshakable self-loathing for having allowed this completely typical, predictable occurrence to actually piss me off.  Ahhh, Summers!  Go fuck yourself.


  1. Haunting. Most haunting.

  2. This really irks me. Not only is there no foot traffic during Salsa night but the drink specials are gone too?!? No wonder I've lasted 20 years without a cleaning...

  3. Joe has stopped selling mojitos? There goes two dollars in profit on the sale of rum I never expected to earn from that cheapskate in the first place.

  4. So you take four months off from posting because your delicate fingers hurt too much to type and you come back with a full-bore assualt like that?

    I'd say fuck you and the high horse you rode in on, but I'm afraid you would bite my head off because I have fresh mint in my pocket.

    Personally, I think your ire is well-founded. The mojito special is the worst idea Joe has had since he hired Mya and made her serve all the regulars who come to Summers. Talk about just one more way to piss off customers and alienate those people you should be trying to turn into apostles for your business.

    The other thing (like there's just one fucking problem with the way that Joe does business) that gets me about this particular short-sighted endeavor into customer appreciation is that although the special has been discontinued due to lack of demand (whose fault it that, I'm looking at YOU Summers official Facebook page), the signs are still taped up with the stank ass blue electrical tape advertising the mojito special.

    Talk about putting the cart before the dumbass.

  5. Hells Bells. Whoa...Summers has an official Facebook page? Do they pay for that? I hope they know that the tiles are moldy. I also hope they know that Summers had some of the best mojitos in town (and yes, I have had enough to know) and it is because of them, the Official FB Page people that those drinks from heaven have been discontinued. Shameful and haunting.